Here’s the first thing you need to know. I’m just like you. One hundred percent
My Uncle is the King of all Cosmos… Literally
My cousin is the prince. He’s really good at rolling stuff up. Big stuff… Little stuff…
Just… Everything.
If there’s something you can think of, he’s rolled it. He’s kind of a big deal.
…
I really look up to him… But I also kinda think of him as a rival.
It’s a weird relationship.
Anyway, I got to thinking… Maybe rolling runs in the family, if you know what I mean.
So I tried it out. Took a roll around school grounds. I even waited until lunch hour so I wasn’t bothering anyone.
Cousin proceeds to monologue a bit about all the disastrous things they rolled up faster than I can record it. It includes the marching band, the principal, and the principal’s dog.
I wasn’t trying to cause a problem… But maybe I got a little carried away.
ANYWAY, I’m exactly like you… Minus all those incredibly specific details.
My point is: I just want to make it out of high school alive.
But instead, I ended up here…
…In detention.
This is where Namco High’s most notorious… Strangest… Most dangerous… Bizarre… Bloodthirsty… delinquent students gather.
Or so the legends say.
I try not to look anyone in the eye. Who knows what these troublemakers will do?
………….
I just hope no one talks to me…
WooooOOOOW! Check out THIS weirdo!
Everyone has so many cute expressions but if I take screen caps of each and every one I’ll be here for the rest of my life.
You have your own special weirdness, don’t you?
Um…
HEY!
Don’t be so rude! To, uh, this weirdo…
Ooh, you better not make the goody two-drills mad…
He’ll sic his pops on you!
And just what, exactly, is wrong with being a goody two-shoes?
A goody two-shoes has the makings of an exemplary student!
Y-yeah…! D-don’t be so mean! There’s nothing wrong with it!
What’s wrong is that it’s super BO-riiiiing! YAWN!
HEY! I think it’s brave to try to stick to the straight and narrow… Know what I mean, boss?
The straight and narrow? Heh. Look around you. We’re in detention. It’s already too late. Too late for all of us…
I don’t think it’s ever too late… But maybe it’s a mistake to battle destiny…
Yeah… Like maybe we’re all destined to be LOSERS.
Given enough data, I COULD construct a mathematical model with a high level of predictive accuracy …But the criteria for getting out of detention are unclear at best.
Tch. No thanks. I’d rather figure it out as I go.
Yes I agree, classmate! Let’s all go on an unpredictable adventure likely to end in criminal activity!
Did someone say… Vast global conspiracy all around us every waking moment of every day?!
GALAGA DOES NOT THINK ANYBODY SAID THAT.
If none of these characters look familiar to you, don’t panic. I don’t know any of them either. We’ll go into depth with where everyone comes from during their separate routes.
(What an energetic group…!)
Um… guys…!
(They’re all arguing with each other. They’ve totally forgotten about me.)
(I’ve gotta admit, they’re not at all what I expected. Well… some of them.)
(You know… now that I think about it…)
(It must take someone really scary to keep these students in line…)
(REALLY scary…)
There’s the sound of a rush of air.
!!! Was that a… Roar?!
Oh no… he’s here!
(What could possibly scare this scary guy?!)
Everyone sit down! Quickly!
Y-yeah! What she said!
(Weren’t they just yelling at each other?!)
Hello… students. So nice to see you.
All of the students came with icons downloadable when purchasing the Deluxe Pack. I had to make one, though, for Dig Dug.
I recognize some of you.
And I see some new faces.
Rest assured… I’m memorizing all of them.
Allow me to introduce myself.
I’m Dig Dug… your principal.
My fellow faculty member here is King… called such because he is King of the ring.
Somehow it is news to me that Tekken is a Namco property, in spite of spending my high school playing the shit out of them.
But here…
Here…
Here he is the king of DETENTION!
Ahem. King has prepared a statement, which I am to read to you.
King and Dig Dug pace back and forth across the screen during this speech.
“I became a wrestler because I wanted to raise money for children. Good children. Not like you miscreants.”
“It’s the reason I became a part-time teacher here at Namco High.”
“This place is like the orphanage where I grew up, only back home we were abandoned by our families.”
King roars.
“This room is an orphanage for people abandoned by their better judgement!”
(What is Dig Dug even saying… This man, King… is he even a man?)
“There was a time when I was forbidden from fighting students…”
“So I defeated the principal.”
*cough*
King roars again and Dig Dug pops a bit to the left.
(Wait… is principal Dig Dug ALSO scared of this man?!)
“Now I can do whatever I want!”
“So let me know if you want to have a go. I’m ready!”
(This man… is crazy…!!!)
I’m a little disappointed that the writers took this route with my darling King.
“Lucky for you, I’m not a tyrant! We will work TOGETHER to mold you into better students. Students of TOMORROW.”
“You will be like clay in my formidable paws.”
“…Er, hands.”“Some of you seem to think that you have reached rock bottom…”
“But I assure you… it could be much worse.”“I grew up on the STREETS. I fought everyone… and everything. I was undisciplined… Raw… Angry… I ate RATS…”
“One time I fought a kangaroo.”
“And a panda…”
“And a dinosaur…”
Gon was exclusively in Tekken 3 so I couldn’t find a video of them both so easily.
“You have it easy. Or you would, if you weren’t here with me.”
…hmmm.
I don’t know where he’s going with this. Let’s take roll!
(I’M GONNA DIE HERE…)
Mr Driller!
Are we gonna do this with everyone? Has everyone not gotten enough of a cursory introduction already? Anyway, I guess I can finally look into everyone, too.
Here! When do we start our morning drills?
Mr Driller is the star of his own game, Mr Driller! If the wiki is to be believed, Dig Dug is his father. He’s illustrated by Cucumber Quest artist, Gigi D.G.
Aki Matsuo!
Here. But I may have to leave soon… I have responsibilities to attend to.
Aki here is a character in Wonder Momo, a Japan-only series (up til now anyway) that ShiftyLook – the creators of Namco High – have put a lot of work into. ShiftyLook was created to keep NamcoBandai characters alive in their downtime and ShiftyLook has created a Wonder Momo webcomic to do just that, which has been running since 2012. According to the wiki Wonder Momo appears to be undergoing a reboot, which I suspect might be the cause of ShiftyLook being shut down. Aki herself I don’t think is in the original, but is a feature from the webcomic?
Aki is drawn by Tyson Hesse.
ALFONSO B. TROSS
THIS COMPLETELY NORMAL STUDENT IS HERE
AND READY TO MAKE SOME TROUBLED FRIENDS
Albatross is the main character of Rolling Thunder, a secret-agent side-scroller from the late 80’s. Albatross and Richard Miller are drawn by… wait… Tessa Stone? Of Hanna Is Not A Boy’s Name??? JESUS
Yuichiro Tomari!
Present, Sir. I’ve been collecting some very interesting data…
Tomari is the main character of a classic arcade flyer game, Ordyne, called a “comical action shooter” by NamcoBandai. He is drawn by Der-Shing Helmer who may be my new favorite artist??? Look at this boy. Look at that comic. Holy crow
Nidia!
I was destined to be here… and so I am.
Nidia is another original character created by ShiftyLook, brought to life in their Dragon Spirit webcomic based on the classic dragon shooter game. She appears to be basically the second player character alongside Main Hero Amul. Nidia is drawn by Gingerhaze.
Richard Miller.
\
SHHHH! THEY will know I’m here!
Oh my god he’s the main character of Time Crisis. (Also drawn by Tessa Stone.)
Hiromi Tengenji
…….here in record time.
The main character of Burning Force, a shooter. She’s drawn (with more clothes on than in the original box art) by OMOCAT.
Blue Max!
Squadron Leader Blue Max, reporting for duty sir!
Blue Max comes from another shooting game, Sky Kid, where he serves as second player alongside the Red Baron. He’s illustrated by Audra Furuichi, artist of nemu*nemu! This game has some serious A-list web artists.
Donko!
I’m, like, totally here, y’know?
Donko winks.
Don!
Donko is a presumably unnamed mascot of Taiko: Drum Master, a rhythm game in the days of DDR where you pound on a Taiko Drum. They (and Davesprite) are credited with art by “E.N., an art machine.” on the Namco High website, without any sources.
Meowkie!
Yep. Right here, boss!
Another super retro hero from a game called Mappy. She is illustrated by Geneva Hodgson!
Valkyrie.
Heeeeeeere! Have I ever told you I’m a cat person?
Valkyrie is THE valkyrie, I believe, from the classic Japanese game Valkyrie no Bouken: Toki no Kagi Densetsu, but the Namco High credits source her as coming simply from “Valkyrie”, which is the name of the ShiftyLook webcomic based on “Legend of the Valkyrie”. Her artist, Ashley Davis, also drew some of the webcomic.
G-Galaga!
GALAGA IS PRESENT.
Galaga is the ship from the shooting game, Galaga. I am really, really excited for this route.
Taira no Kagekiyo.
Yeah, yeah… I’m here. WRESTLEBALL RULES!
Taira no Kagekiyo is the main character of Genpei Touma Den, or The Genji and the Heike Clans. The Namco High site refers to him as an undead samurai. I love his design and I’m looking forward to his route. Also, I totally saw that episode of Game Center CX. He and Cousin are drawn by Yuko Ota, the artist of Johnny Wander.
Lolo.
Uh-huh… Yeah, here. For now, I guess.
Lolo is a character featured in the series Klonoa, and makes her first appearance in Klonoa 2: Lunatea’s Veil. She (and Jane Crocker) are illustrated by J. N. Wiedle, creator if the webcomic Helvetica.
Anti-Bravoman!
Here… and so is my darkness…
Anti-Bravoman is a character in, go figure, Bravoman, a platformer/beat-em-up parody game. Bravoman is another series that ShiftyLook has taken a long way, with a webcomic and also a web cartoon series. He is known in the original game as “Black Bravo” but was coined “Anti-Bravoman” by ShiftyLook, if the wiki is to be believed. He’s drawn by Dax Gordine who is ShiftyLook’s go-to guy for Bravoman artistry.
Ah… and those weird transfer students…
Jane Crocker
Hiiiiiii! :) Let’s all have fun, now.
The way I heard about this game in the first place was homestuck, and I bet it’s where you heard about it, too. Jane is also drawn by J.N. Wiedle.
Terezi.
H3H3H3… 1’M H3R3, PR1NC1P4L. 4ND 1’V3 GOT MY 3Y3 ON YOU! ;]
Terezi is drawn by the absurdly talented Alexandra Douglass. Typing that quirk is going to slow me down a lot in this LP.
Er… okay… where was I. Oh… Davesprite!
sup
I’m upset that Davesprite’s artist EN the art machine has no art link because he is goddamn beautiful in this game.
And our newest face… Cousin!
Y-yeah. I’m here…
…
That was a pretty gruelling list of introductions but as I got to the homestuck characters I realized that this game was probably intended for you to play it with the free characters and eventually upgrade to the ones you can pay for. Which would make their gradual additions to the introductions probably exciting instead of character after character with re-typing dialogue and image uploads.
For the record the free-to-play characters are Anti-Bravoman, Meowkie, Lolo, GALAGA, Valkyrie, and Albatross. I think. So I’ll try to play through those ones first. if I can resist all those other cute characters for long.
I… I can’t believe it. Everyone’s here! There’s hope for you lowlifes yet!
Since we have a new inmate… Er, student… I’m obligated to explain how detention works.
You did your crime, now you serve the time!
BUT: You can shorten your sentence in one of two ways.
The first is to join a club and show your school spirit.
If we can see that you care and we are impressed by the amount of effort you put forth, your afternoons will be set free next week.
It’s a lot of hard work but you’re sure to learn something about yourself!
The second is to let King try his new wrestling move on you. He calls it the “Student Body Reformer”. One time on the receiving end of it and you’ll never want to cause trouble again!
Any takers?
(OF COURSE NOT! We all… want to live…!!)
H-haha… how about that old school spirit! Go Namco High…!
Even in your youth, you have wisdom… don’t wrestle him. Not even for funsies.
I wouldn’t dream of it…
(Because it absolutely constitutes some kind of harassment!)
Eh? King? Oh, you think our new student has something to share? Do you have something to say, Cousin?
Nothing sir!!!
(Is he psychic?! Is it some kind of… teacher power?!)
Hmm. I think he likes you.
Orrrrr he hates you. Hard to tell.
Stoicism does not suit you.
I encourage you to make friends, Cousin!
Speak to your fellow students. They’re all enrolled in at least one of the school clubs…
King roars.
What’s that? Oh…
King says: “Friendship is very important! Sometimes the man you are about to kill in cold blood can become your greatest friend.”
You must look deep into their eyes to know this.
I see friendship in your eyes, Cousin. Good luck!
______________________________________________________________________
And with this the screen fades to black and we load up what will be our crossroads. What will Namco High have in store? Stay tuned!