Prophets & Players

Narrative Nerd

52 Let’s Read Dracula Like a Fujoshi — Emotional Support Terriers

Instead of reading Dracula yesterday as I probably should have, I binge-read Blue Flag and started making chow chow with my friend. After chopping a bunch of onions I went to sleep with a terrible headache and this morning I still have it. It feels like one of those “I had a big cry” headaches. I did cry a bit at the onions.

Anyway, that’s why this post is late. I always forget how busy I am in the fall because of my canning and preserving hobby. This is my first year making chow chow but as everything comes into season suddenly I want to stash it all for the winter and make twelve kinds of jam, and it all has a time limit. I think cooking with seasonal fruit and vegetables is amazing so I like to take full advantage until I have to hunker down with my preserves for the winter.

All that is to say that I want to fully embody the time I exist in, and it’s hard when the present has very time-consuming projects Dracula, jam, pumpkin bread, wine, etc. And Thanksgiving is next weekend! And Seasonal Affective Disorder is out for blood!

51 Let’s Read Dracula Like a Fujoshi — Mina Harker’s Reverse Harem

This blog is gonna be my part-time job for a few weeks I guess while we haul through the majority of Dracula. Please leave me a tip so I can spend it on bath bombs.

If you have to ask what a reverse harem is, I’m making this joke because anime and such are often replete with a boring anime dude doing nothing of note and ending up with a hundred girlfriends (usually not literally, but they’re all in love with him anyway). Readers unironically call this his “harem.” “Reverse harem” is what happens when the trope is used by a romantic manga for women—one girl and her plethora of male suitors. Again, it usually doesn’t refer to literal polygamy. Usually.

Maybe I should be embarrassed by all this anime knowledge but I do basically read manga for a living.

50 Let’s Read Dracula Like a Fujoshi — Four Hours, Four Thousand Words

Had to do a bunch of work today and was thrilled to finally chill and then I remembered this doozy in my inbox. Even Dracula Daily warns me to “buckle in.” I think if I get tired halfway through I might do the rest tomorrow. Starting this at 8:50pm, let’s go.

I don’t mean to complain about this. I love this blog, I love writing it, I love reading Dracula, but I’m gonna love it even more when it’s over and I can laugh at my own stupid jokes instead of having to do the work and write the jokes.

49 Let’s Read Dracula Like a Fujoshi — Science vs Folklore

OKAY let’s get caught up today. No whammies. Mommy wants to stop stressing about this and play video games.

By the way! My mother was trying to bully me into going on a cruise with her. I’ve done a few brief cruises on the Baltic, but I find the limited time available really stressful. Go for an afternoon and run back before you can do anything. Anyway, I convinced her instead to take a trip with me to Ireland. She’s nerdy about family trees and such so I proposed we go there and look around, perhaps connect to our lineage. So maybe about this time next year (2024) I’ll be writing about our trip. I plan to slurp up any and all Bram Stoker content to report back to you even if it means resurrecting this blog series. We don’t have much of a plan yet for where to go but I suspect we’ll be in Dublin for a few days and probably wander west to Tipperary, where our family apparently comes from. If you’ve got some suggestions of secret vampire stuff, hook me up!

48 Let’s Read Dracula Like a Fujoshi — Whump Era Over

Okay so now I’m two days behind and if I don’t move my ass I’m going to be screwed by the endless deluge of forthcoming Dracula Dailies.

Yesterday I was derailed from anything I intended to do by my foster cat having sad diarrhea. Thanks to the support of the rescue, I was given a ton of stuff to manage it, so from yesterday on I have to give Scruffy pills that he absolutely hates twice a day. Luckily he’s a real mom guy and can’t bear to stay away from cuddles for long. Not sure who wouldn’t wanna adopt this cat, even when he rips me to shreds when I try to shove pills down his throat.

Anyway, as a part of getting all this stuff for him, I drove my mom’s massive SUV through rush hour traffic to the vet in the suburbs, and then back to the rescue lady’s place in a more different suburb, along a few stints of scary highway. When I got there I got to pick up some friendly cats and a spicy kitten, so my stress was almost immediately healed, but the whole adventure took about three hours.

Did I tell you I’m learning to drive? This was my first time on a lot of these roads. The good news is, nobody died. The bad news is, I fell behind on Dracula Daily and I now have to give Scruffy pills he hates twice a day.

ALSO, I was going to visit Prince Edward Island for the first time this weekend, but instead I’ll be home feeding Scruffy pills he hates twice a day. Here’s hoping he bounces back quickly, which I suspect he will. He’s a senior cat but he’s full of piss and vinegar, and he probably had sad poops because he likes to chase and eat house flies, and last year he got worms so he probably got worms. Again.

Better safe than sorry!

I’m really bummed that I had to put off this entry because I’m losing my shit now that apparently Jonathan has returned! Our prodigal son!

47 Let’s Read Dracula Like a Fujoshi — Best of Wives and Best of Women

This is the entry for September 25! I’m posting it solo a day late because I don’t wanna fall behind but I can’t handle writing that much today, I am just too sleepy. I’ll explain tomorrow.

Jesus christ this email has like, twelve different things in it. I will be endlessly grateful that some of them are from The Westminster Gazette which has more respect for page space than our other paper reports so far.

46 Let’s Read Dracula Like a Fujoshi — To Fight Draculas, We Need a Dracula Gun

September 23

Mina writes in her diary that Jonathan had a difficult evening but went off to work at his new job as leading solicitor without issue. Oh she’s so proud blah blah.

45 Let’s Read Dracula Like a Fujoshi — Four Funerals and Four Weddings

This one’s really spicy!

44 Let’s Read Dracula Like a Fujoshi — The One With All the Seward/Holmwood Fanservice

The air here has cooled after the storm so summer is officially winding down. I’m a bit depressed about it but I have seasonal depression so I always am. Time to start chugging vitamin D. I wonder if I can do some commemorations for durafujo for Halloween.


September 21

Today’s entry is technically dated on September 20, as part of Seward’s diary for that day. But there’s also a chapter break between yesterday and today, and the events definitely cover the next day, AND it makes for an awfully long day. Thus I’m delivering it to us today.

I really don’t agree with Dracula Daily’s editorial choices but I guess I just have to handle it.

43 Let’s Read Dracula Like a Fujoshi — Hot Vampire Era

September 19

Lucy’s nervous to sleep again, but Quincey is doing patrols around the house like a guard dog. I love him.

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