You guys, I am so good at working too much that the burnout is starting to rub off on Fujoshi Dracula. I’m starting to be able to cut back on work that doesn’t pay so well, thank dog, but I need a vacation. I’m starting to plan some trips for next year so I can hold a gun to future-me’s head and force them to take some time off.

For now, there’s five Dracula Days to catch up on.

September 1st

Arthur sends a telegram to Dr. Lobotomy, telling him that he (Arthur) has to rush home to his sick father and won’t be there to welcome him (Dr. Lobotomy) after all.


September 2nd

Dr. Lobotomy sends a letter back to Arthur from Lucy’s residence. He says Lucy seems fine, but she looks sick. Apparently Dr. Lobotomy is too shy to fully examine her because of friendship and decency or whatever.

When he gets to the Westenra house, Lucy is in “gay spirits.” Good for her! They ate lunch with Lucy’s mother and all was fine until Dr. Lobotomy got Lucy alone. As soon as they got to her room Lucy let the peppy affectation drop, and was no longer gay. (For now.)

Man zips a rainbow hoodie up high enough to hide his face.

Lucy cuts her hand while opening a window and Dr. Lobo takes his chance to take a blood sample. He reports to Arthur that her blood tests are good, so her malady must be psychological. Lucy does open up to him about her sleepwalking, but swears she hasn’t been doing it. Dr. Lobotomy is skeptical and decides to forward her case to “my old friend and master, Professor Van Helsing, of Amsterdam”.

Van Helsing must be his dom from before he became a dom himself. I’m pretty sure that’s how it works. Van Helsing is Dr. Lobotomy’s gay cowboy lover from his pre-gay cowboy era.

Dr. Lobotomy summons Van Helsing for a visit because he believes Helsing to be their best chance.

Van Helsing would, I know, do anything for me for a personal reason, so, no matter on what ground he comes, we must accept his wishes.

I’m not sure what he means by accepting his wishes, but him to “do anything for me for a personal reason” just convinces me about the gay lover stuff.

Dr. Lobotomy goes on and on for a bit about how cool Van Helsing is, which I believe because I knew who Van Helsing was before I read Dracula and I did not know Dr. Seward. Dr. Lobotomy seems to be pretty in love with this guy. The one that got away? Don’t let Renfield hear about this… unless he’s into cucking, I dunno.

On the same day though, we get this:

Letter, Abraham Van Helsing, M. D., D. Ph., D. Lit., etc., etc., to Dr. Seward.

I laughed out loud. Jesus Christ, Helsing, save a diploma for someone else.

Van Helsing writes that he is already on his way. I was going to wonder about the distance of a letter arriving in a day, and a person arriving the next, but I guess Amsterdam and London aren’t too far apart. (I’ve never been to either… except I flew through Heathrow once.)

Van Helsing is just as effusive about Dr. Lobotomy as Dr. Lobotomy is of him.

Tell your friend that when that time you suck from my wound so swiftly the poison of the gangrene from that knife that our other friend, too nervous, let slip, you did more for him when he wants my aids and you call for them than all his great fortune could do.

Dr. Lobotomy loves sucking things out of other people, and I love this for him.

A vacuum cleaner nozzle sucks up a whole peeled banana

September 3rd

Dr. Lobotomy writes to Arthur that Van Helsing has seen Lucy already and left again to Amsterdam, quiet and thinking about the seriousness of her condition.

When Van Helsing sits with Lucy he sends Dr. Lobotomy away, making fun of him a bit, saying he doesn’t know anything about what young ladies want or need because he’s too busy taking care of crazy people.

“How can he’—and he pointed at me with the same look and gesture as that with which once he pointed me out to his class, on, or rather after, a particular occasion which he never fails to remind me of—’know anything of a young ladies?”

The casual remark about another occasion that Van Helsing likes to bring up is some good fanfiction fodder. From whom did Dr. Lobotomy suck some gangrene and/or poison? Why do you keep putting these things in your mouth, Doctor? About what occasion does your professor point at you for?

Steve Carell points finger guns at the camera.

After a short meeting, Van Helsing tells Dr. Lobotomy that he, too, is concerned about Lucy’s condition. He says she is not anemic, but seems to have suffered blood loss. He asks Dr. Lobotomy to send daily telegrams while he is away and he’ll return asap, but he has to think it over for a bit.

Dr. Lobotomy reassures Arthur that if Lucy’s condition changes, he’ll sent for him, so not to worry about anything in the meantime.


September 4th

Dr. Lobotomy hasn’t yet forgotten about Renfield. Apparently he got really restless at around noon and his yells are really spooky. Dr. Lobotomy notes that at around “dinnertime,” he succumbed to being sullen and mopey, but his log picks up again at 5 o’clock, which I assume is 5pm. So what time is “dinner”?

I feel like I’ve asked this question before in this blog. Someone recently pointed out to me that it’s common for people in my hometown to eat dinner (or “supper” as we call it) early, at like 5pm. This is how I grew up. How much earlier could these people be eating dinner (which in my hometown dialect, might also refer to lunch)?

Anyway. Renfield is back to eating flies until Dr. Lobotomy brings him back to his usual room, where he gets back to farming flies. Dr. Lobotomy asks him why he’s been so out of sorts and Renfield replies that “He has deserted me,” and that he has no hope “unless I do it for myself!” Renfield immediately changes the subject and asks for more sugar. Dr. Lobotomy gives it to him.

Dr. Lobotomy goes to check on Lucy and comes back at sunset to find Renfield freaking out again. As it grows darker, Renfield calms, and throws all of his flies away. Dr. Lobotomy wonders if there’s some reason that Renfield reacts to high times of the sun, like other people respond to the moon phases.

And lastly, Dr. Seward writes to Van Helsing to say that Lucy is doing all right.


September 5th

Dr. Lobotomy writes to Van Helsing that Lucy is doing much better… and that’s it.


I’m curious about Dracula’s connection with Renfield. Is there a love triangle of sorts going on here with Dracula, Renfield, and Lucy? Where Dracula is getting his blood from Lucy, and Renfield is the one who wants to get sucked like Dr. Lobotomy used to do to Van Helsing and the cowboy? I’d love there to be more going on than the sad, crazy servant and the hot, ethereal lady. I won’t give up on this novel just yet, as Dracula has already impressed me quite a bit. I like this book! It’s fun! It’s much better than I ever expected it to be. It’ll be fun to read it into spooky season.

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